Pretty in Pink

I am only working a half-day today, so I got to dress casually. I pulled out an old pink polo that I love. I didn't expect it to fit, but I tried it on anyway. It fit. Comfortably!

I haven't been able to wear this shirt for over a year. I feel great!

I can't wait to see what else fits as my weight lowers!

Today's weight loss topic is "Appreciate good support":

This morning, Kalem was telling me how proud he is of my for working so hard and I told him that I was really excited about it but didn't want to see boastful. He complimented how I look and I said "Thanks. I feel really good."

When others compliment me, instead of brushing it off, I can be honest about how good that makes me feel. It makes me feel better and I'm sure they feel good knowing they're appreciated.

Taking Back My Height

Yesterday, at my internship, I compared myself to Melissa, who is 5'8.5". I was clearly taller than her. So, I'm taking back my height. I'm 5'9" again! That nurse was wrong!

I'm glad to be 5'9" again. I like this height. It's what I wanted when I was younger (and I got there), so I'm not giving it up so easily.

With that said, I know that my goal milestones are going to change. So, here they are:

• Not qualify for weight-loss surgery at lowest no-illness BMI (262 pounds) CHECK!
• Lose first ten pounds (260 pounds)
• Round down to 200 pounds (249 pounds)
• Meet one-quarter mark (240 pounds)
• Not qualify for weight loss surgery at all (236 pounds)
• Meet halfway mark (210 pounds)
• Be in the one hundreds (199 pounds)
• Have an "overweight" BMI (202 pounds)
• Meet three-quarters mark (180 pounds)
• Fit a pair of size 12 jeans (not sure where this will happen, but when I started college, I work a 14 or 16 and weighed about 185 pounds)
• Have a "normal" BMI (168 pounds)
• Meet final goal (150 pounds)

I also have changed my BMI for my weekly measurements. Right now, I weigh 262 pounds and my BMI is 38.7 . I'm still excited that I don't qualify for illness-free lap band surgery, even if I accomplished it much sooner than I thought (I actually didn't to begin with!). Now, the next lap band surgery is closer. Yay!

Today's weight loss topic is "Here's What I Want":

1. If you see me eating something that’s not on my diet plan, ask me if I’ve had a bad day and give me a hug.

2. When I’m making progress, such as losing weight, compliment me on how I look but never comment on my progress in front of others.

3. When I’m struggling or gaining weight, tell me you notice and really care about my struggle, hug me and show me extra affection, and ask me how you can help.

4. When I’m making progress you can’t see (such as improving my self-esteem), ask me how my efforts are going and give me non-food gifts and rewards.

5. When I’ve maintained my weight (even though I may still want to lose more), tell me you are proud of my current efforts and compliment me on my looks and my efforts.

These are my answers given for the quiz of the day.

Today, my skirt's too big. Huzzah!

Off the Wagon

I had something of a bender this weekend. I ate what I wanted and didn't care. Okay, I cared, but not enough to not overeat. On Friday I knew I was going to go over. On Saturday, Kalem and I went to Golden Corral for breakfast so I knew I was going to go over by 10AM. And it was so bad, which makes it such a waste! So, after that, I ate with wild abandon. Why not--I was already over for the day! Yesterday, I stayed within my limit, but it was SO TOUGH. Still, I did it! Today has been hard, too. I feel the need to eat constantly. I have about 800 mg left after dinner. In Hotline today, there were peanut butter pretzels and Cheez-Its. What the heck?! Talk about temptation! I had one serving of the pretzels (+1 more) and stopped there. They were too salty (though delicious)! Go figure.

On the way to my internship, I stopped at CVS for a snack. I had planned on white cheddar popcorn but that was out of the question. Almost everything was! I just wanted to buy a bag of something and it be okay. I felt so desperate. I had applesauce in my bag but that wasn't going to cut it. I ended up with Triscuits. They were fairly good, thought there was something I didn't quite like about the flavor. Either way, I am currently not hungry. To be honest, I wasn't hungry before I ate them. I just wanted to eat. I am trying to work more on that. This time I wanted to eat so I didn't end up stuffing my face at my internship. I need to learn to be more comfortable with eating in front of others.

I'm looking into getting a new walking DVD! I'm excited. I've been thinking of getting the stretchie band thing to do some toning. I'm not sure which DVD I want so I'm getting some from the library to check out beforehand.

I want Cheetos!

Day Off

I'm postponing today's weight loss topic until tomorrow because I took a day off, diet-wise. I am picking up another hour of walking in hopes of still losing some weight this week. See you tomorrow!

Not an Island

Today was weigh-in day. The results: I did not lose any weight. BUT I didn't gain any, either! AND I started my period yesterday! AND I lost another .5 inch! So, I feel pretty good. :). I was a little down on myself, but I feel that I'll be okay next week once my period's over.

I was a bad, bad girl today. I ate tons of cereal (I've got to lay off the Frosted Flakes!), added salt to our mashed potatoes and gravy, and then, upon realizing I was over anyway, ate a pint of ice cream. I'm not too upset, because I always go over at least one day. I'll be better from now on.

I had a good talk with my "coach" (Mama) and got a lot of great food ideas. Having as many low-sodium options as I can really help keeps me on track. I'm actually looking forward to grocery day so I can investigate!

Today's weight loss topic is "Help me, please":
I am always happy to get compliments that I look more toned or healthier and that I seem to have more energy now that I'm losing weight. I also appreciate clearing the table right after one serving.
I do not appreciate someone saying "do you really want to eat that?". While it works, it makes me really resentful toward the person who said it. I really HATE weight loss tips when I don't ask for them, too.

Yes, I Can!

Today's weight loss topic is "I can do it!":

• I can do it because I have put my heart and soul into this process.
• I can do it because I have a healthy woman bursting to get through.
• I can do it because I believe in myself.
• I can do it because I am worth it.

Yes, I can! In addition to these reasons, I can do it because I want all of those reasons in my little book to come true. So, I can do it, because I have no choice. There is no other way for me to live now. I must get healthy.

I didn't end up working out after all last night. I was just so stressed and worn out. I don't feel all that guilty because I've already done all of my prescribed exercise and I was just trying to supplement. I have gone over on my sodium before and still lost weight. I've done what I can this week. If I don't lose, I'll work even harder to have healthier coping skills.

I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!

Protection

Today's topic is "Protect Your Program":

• Three high-risk times for overeating for me are when I'm in the Hotline office, on Friday nights, and when I am out with the Brigade.
• I can protect my program by saying "Not just yet. I'm going to wait a little while."
• I haven't protected my program yet, but I will use this technique from now on.

I've done much better today than yesterday. I am not going to let my work stress affect my weight loss goals. Unfortunately, I forgot my lunch, but I still did okay by eating the lowest-possible foods from Panera. So, I'm okay!

I plan to pick up an extra hour of working out tonight and tomorrow, so hopefully I'll still lose some weight!

Something to Look Forward To

Today's daily topic is "Magic Notebook":

I like the idea of writing down what I am craving instead of eating it, but I'm not sure how it will work for me. I wonder if writing it will just make me want it even more. But, I am willing to try anything!

I haven't had an Oreo since my birthday, I think. Even though I haven't, I think about them often. Since I've lasted so long without them, I think I'll write about something else. I have eaten chocolate fudge brownie Ben and Jerry's about every other weekend. I feel that I really need to stop doing this because in no way does it help with my weight loss goals! So, the next time I crave it, I will remind myself that a pint has 1,000 calories and tons of fat! I will remind myself that I can eat frozen yogurt or whipped cream or another better alternative. The next time I crave it, I will remind myself that I recently had it and encourage myself to put it off for another week (and another week and another...). The next time I eat it, I will eat a serving at a time.

Today has been a mess. I've been really stressed out about work and not eating well. I have really got to work on my coping skills! Still, I'm proud of myself for not going too far overboard. I did eat at Wendy's (bad Chavonne, bad!), but other than that, I can recover from this. Yesterday, I went over by about 100 mg, too. I'm going to pick up an extra workout or two and I should be fine. I went against my own "rule" and weighed myself and I haven't gained, so I feel good. Hopefully I can lose at least a pound this week.

On the Road

Today's weight-loss topic is "Boundaries, not diets":

Narrow road

• 1,800 calories/day
• Walk 30 minutes every day
• No sugar
• No salt
• No meat
• No fast food
• No eating out
• Only serving sizes
  

Wide road

• Staying within sodium limit every day
• 3.5 hours of exercise per week
• No more than two days going over sodium limit
• Use serving sizes as a guide
• Limited sugar
• Limited meat
• Limited eating out
• Limited fast food

I can be flexible by following the wider road while trying to lose weight. I feel much better knowing I have some flexibility!

Just Do It

Today's weight loss topic is "Do It Anyway":

• I didn't want to walk for as long as I did, but I did it anyway.
• It felt really good to accomplish something physical, even though I didn't want to! I know that I will be glad for it when I don't have to walk more on Tuesday.
• I am committed to taking the stairs, working out, and not eating fast food, even if I do not want to at the moment.

Not too much has happened health-wise since I last wrote. I walked for 1.5 hours, cooked my lunch for tomorrow, and ate dinner. I tried a new recipe (Barley Mushroom Risotto) and it turned out really, really good. I used sodium-free broth and didn't add the salt it called for and I still like it! It's funny--two months ago I would have gagged at the thought!

On Milestones

Last night, while reading about weight loss, I wondered if I was thinking too much. If I needed to just let go. I think in a way I am overthinking it. But I also feel that at this point, I have to. I am trying to set myself up for success and the way to do that right now is to write as much as I can and to engage in a lot of positive self-talk. I think that as I get further in my weight loss, it won't take up so much of my thinking.

I've realized that it's going to take at least a year to lose all of this weight. If I lose at the rate I have so far, it's going to take two. And I'm okay with that. This is the first time I've felt okay with it. I am not frustrated. It took longer than two years to pack on 120 pounds; shouldn't I be thrilled that it takes less time to get it off?! I'm okay to give it as much time as I need to, as I refuse to accept the alternative.

This weekend, I've also been thinking about the milestones I'm looking forward to. I think I could create about a million if I want to, but here are my top ten, for now:

• Not qualify for weight-loss surgery at lowest no-illness BMI (262 pounds) CHECK!
• Lose first ten pounds (260 pounds)
• Round down to 200 pounds (249 pounds)
• Meet one-quarter mark (240 pounds)
• Not qualify for weight loss surgery at all (229 pounds)
• Meet halfway mark (210 pounds)
• Be in the one hundreds (199 pounds)
• Have an "overweight" BMI (196 pounds)
• Meet three-quarters mark (180 pounds)
• Fit a pair of jeans size 12 (not sure where this will happen, but when I started college, I work a 14 or 16 and weighed about 185 pounds)
• Have a "normal" BMI (163 pounds)
• Meet final goal (150 pounds)

Okay, that's 12. :). I like these milestones. They're all fairly close and feel attainable. Of course, I'm taking it one day at a time (with more focus on each 5-pound increment), but I'll be pretty darn excited getting to each of them. I'll have to think of fun, healthy ways to celebrate all of them.

I've also tried to understand why I made 150 pounds my goal weight. I thought it was because it was some significant BMI number from when I thought I was 5'9". But there really isn't. I think it's because I like it. :). It's a nice round number that gives me some wiggle room as I age (I hope to never weigh above 175 again). So, I think I'll keep it.

I'm also thinking of what else I should do other than walking. I don't plan to do any exercises with impact for a while, but I do know I'll have to start lifting weights sooner than later. I'm going to read up on it a bit.

I feel great!

Really, Really Committed

Today's weight loss topic is "Interested or Committed?":

• I am committed to losing my weight-loss plan no matter what!
• I will stick to my program no matter what by taking it one day at a time, focusing of smaller weight-loss goals instead of the overall one, and believing in myself.
• To show that I am truly committed, I went walking, didn't redeem my Ben and Jerry's coupon(s), and did reading on weight loss!

In relation to focusing only on small goals, I am prepared to focus on only 5 pounds at a time. So here's to weighing 260!

I've been thinking further about what my next "big" weight loss goal will be (other than the ultimate one, of course). My first goal was to not qualify for weight-loss surgery. To do so, I had to have a BMI lower than 40. There is still another possible way to get the surgery, though: if one has a weight-related illness, they can still qualify for a BMI of 35 or higher. As far as I know, I don't have any. But what if I have something and don't know? So my next big goal is to get down to a BMI of less than 35. I'm looking forward to 229!

I've been reading "Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir" and am really enjoying it. It has me really looking forward to all of the future rewards of being smaller. I know that I still have a long way to go and I need to remember to take it one day at a time, though. Thinking too far ahead is what has gotten me in trouble in the past. So, I'm going to keep taking it slow and not getting too down on myself.

I had a really good day. I ate some Frito Pie that was great but I know was way too salty. Fortunately, I didn't have too much and was able to stop myself. Also, I took a walk in Frick Park and Kalem joined me! It was really nice. I hope that we keep this up and become a healthier couple together.

Back (Though Here All Along)

So, since I last wrote, a lot has happened. I have stayed committed to my new lifestyle (yay!) and have lost eight pounds and 3.25 inches! I feel great. Since trying to lose weight in the last few years, this is the most consistent I've been. The most significant thing to happen in these few weeks is that I no longer qualify for weight loss surgery! Yay yay yay! I've seriously been considering going through the process of having the surgery, but now the option has been taken away. I've worked really hard to get to this point, so I was glad, but at the same time I'm really scared! I don't have the backup plan available to me anymore. I am no longer morbidly obese...I'm now only obese! Yay! I know that I've lost eight pounds and still hope to lose another 112, but I feel like a model! I feel like putting a dress and heels on and strutting my stuff on a catwalk! :). This feels great.

To celebrate this milestone, I ate a candy bar (rather than the pack of Oreos that looked SO good!) and took a walk in the park. It was lovely! And it feels really good to be rewarding myself with much healthier choices than I would before.

From this point forward, I plan to do the 100 days of weight loss writing. I think it will help keep me on top of my efforts. I really have found that writing helps me get through the tough times. On Thursday, I had an intense craving for dessert and I "wrote through it". I wrote about why I didn't really want it and why I was feeling that I did. And it worked! I also wrote all of my reasons for losing weight in a little tiny book and I carry that around with me for when I feel desperate to eat or want some extra motivation. It's been really helping so far.

Sometimes I feel like I talk about my weight loss as if I'm in recovery from addiction. Sometimes I feel like I am. I sometimes feel a real compulsion to eat, even when I can't eat anything more. But I think the biggest thing is learning how to eat in a healthy way and exercise, even when I don't want to. And I am so ready for this.

During my internship last week, I heard the quote "I realized this wasn't a way to live. This was a way to die." That's exactly how I feel. Since I've started writing again on this blog, I've seen how much time I've wasted not being healthy. It makes me really sad. But it motivates me. I can do this. I have to. I don't have any other choice. If I want to be here in my sixties (heck, thirties!), I have to change RIGHT NOW.

I feel really great about how hard I've been working. I can't wait to see what else is ahead of me.

Getting on Track

The first day's topic is "I Used to Be That Way":

• I fear that I will fall off of the wagon and never lose the weight I want to.
• When on diets before, I let myself get discouraged when I overate or didn't exercise one day.
• I used to be that way, but now I'm different.
• I used to take the elevator at work, but now I take the stairs.
• I used to let my emotions influence my diet, but now I deal with my feelings in healthy, active ways.
• I used to dread having to exercise every day, but now I look forward to my workout time as a time to improve my life.
• I used to eat every free food put in front of me, but now I think about what goes into my mouth, regardless of the price.
• I used to eat whatever I like, but now I watch my intake.
• I used to get easily discouraged, but now I keep pressing on.
• I used to eat without thinking, but now I am a mindful eater.
• I used to eat like an obese person, but now I eat like a fit, healthy woman.

So Much Has Changed

Okay, so it's been quite some time since I last blogged. But I'm BACK! I am super recommitted and ready to get healthy.

When I last was "committed", my goal was on losing weight. I'm not going to pretend that it still isn't. But, I feel I'm doing something much more gentle. I will never just starve myself on a Thursday to stay withing my limit for a Friday weigh-in. On April 27, my mom and I talked about watching sodium for what felt like the umpteenth time. This time, though, everything just clicked. I really felt that I could do it this time. Instead of really committing to it, I said I'd try it for the week and see how it went. Well, I lost 3 pounds! I was hooked after that. I have been walking for 3.5 hours every week. I feel great! I had been doing the Jillian DVD as well, but I really hurt my knee after bouncing around one day. My knee is better now, though it still pops a lot.

It's been a lot harder watching sodium than I first expected. I mean, sodium is in everything! Everything! So it takes a lot to create meals on a daily basis. The good result of that is that now I appreciate my food so much more. I feel more satisfaction with what I put in my mouth because it took more work and organization to get it. I'm struggling with the lack of snack foods I have available to me, but I plan to buy an air popper to get through that.

As before, for the next 100 days, I'm going to be reading a book called "100 Days of Weight Loss". It will take me through exercises to help me work through my struggles with weight loss. I'm really determined and am sure that I will succeed. I started at 270 pounds. I'm down to 265 already! In two weeks! My goal is to weigh 150 pounds. This puts me in the "normal" category according to my BMI (well, it's a little bit below, but I thought it was a good, round number). It also gives me some wiggle room as I age--hopefully I never pass 175 in my life again! I will be weighing in every Friday. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I should reach 150 by June 23, 2010. If I lose 1 pound a week, I should reach 150 by August 17, 2011. I don't really plan on it happening, but I would loved to lose the weight by March 10, 2010. That way, I would hit my goal weight when I'm 25 (ha!). But it's okay if I don't make it--I won't let it get me down. It feels like a really long time, but I am committed to it. Also, I'm using http://www.thedailyplate.com/ to monitor my intake. It's a really cool website and I think it will be helpful! Well, one of the first exercises in the book are to write down a few reasons for losing the weight. I had to go all out (of course) and I have given a reason for every pound I want to lose. So, here are my 120 reasons for losing weight. (Well, I actually weigh 265, but I wrote these reasons when I weighed 270!)

My Reasons for Losing Weight!
1. To sweat less
2. To have healthier nails
3. To have healthier hair
4. To have better skin
5. To fit in amusement park ride seats
6. To fit in bus seats more easily
7. To fit in desks more easily
8. To fit in airplane seats more easily
9. To be able to take leisurely walks without getting winded
10. To develop a healthy addiction
11. To set (and reach) new goals
12. To not have to make the same New Year’s resolution every year (and fail)
13. To have a more successful career
14. To be able to better participate in sports
15. To explore new places
16. To smell better
17. To help others
18. To encourage others
19. To not have to worry about the maximum weight an exercise machine can take before I use it
20. To stop spending money on weight loss resources
21. To be able to indulge without feeling guilty
22. To have a better selection of clothes to choose from
23. To save money on food
24. To save money on clothes
25. To buy a new wardrobe
26. To learn to enjoy healthy, nutritious foods
27. To control my eating
28. To control my snacking
29. To control my emotional eating
30. To not embarrass myself when eating at social functions
31. To look better
32. To look younger
33. To feel sexier
34. To have better sex
35. To not have a double chin
36. To have thighs that don’t touch
37. To be able to wear a bikini
38. To have a flat stomach
39. To look great at my high school reunion
40. To look wonderful in my second wedding dress
41. To get smaller than my high school weight
42. To be able to fit into a size 12 (or smaller!)
43. To avoid health-related surgeries
44. To avoid weight-related surgeries
45. To find more positive outlets for emotions
46. To learn patience
47. To have a chance for "me time"
48. To actually get called "thin"
49. To not be controlled by my weight
50. To prove to myself I have self-control
51. To teach myself discipline
52. To have something that is done for myself by choice rather than requirement
53. To increase brainpower
54. To improve my performance
55. To be able to play with my nieces and nephews
56. To not end up like my father
57. To prevent depression
58. To feel more comfortable taking pictures
59. To be happy when I look in the mirror
60. To have breasts that stick out further than my stomach and not the other way around
61. To improve my body image
62. To feel more comfortable in my skin
63. To feel better about myself
64. To be less stressed
65. To sleep more soundly
66. To be healthier
67. To improve my immune system
68. To have more energy
69. To have a waist
70. To be more flexible
71. To have more stamina
72. To have better endurance
73. To improve mobility
74. To be stronger
75. To have a healthy lifestyle
76. To prevent knee problems
77. To prevent back problems
78. To have better control over IBS
79. To not be a part of the obesity epidemic
80. To prevent sleep apnea
81. To prevent hypertension
82. To prevent high cholesterol
83. To prevent osteoarthritis
84. To prevent stroke
85. To prevent heart attacks
86. To prevent heart disease
87. To prevent cancers
88. To prevent diabetes
89. Because it’s TIME. NO MORE EXCUSES.
90. To actually follow through with something
91. To show my loved ones how grateful I am for their support
92. To make my loved ones proud
93. To be proud of myself for making such a large accomplishment
94. To improve my quality of life
95. To live longer
96. To have healthier joints
97. To learn to enjoy exercise
98. To stop dieting FOR GOOD
99. To not be embarrassed by my size
100. To not have rolls, puckers, and dimples
101. To not always feel like I need to lose weight
102. To not have people cringe when I sit next to them on the bus
103. To be able to cross my legs
104. To prevent anxiety
105. To be able to take the stairs without getting winded
106. For all of the reasons I have yet to realize, but am sure to soon come to appreciate
107. To get on with my life!
108. To not get snide remarks about my weight from others
109. To be able to see my toes
110. To not get "fat girl" looks when I'm eating junk food
111. To put less stress on the environment
112. To be able to buy boots without trouble
113. To be able to wear backless dresses (if I decide to!)
114. To look good in photos
115. To not get asked if I'm pregnant when I'm not
116. To not get the "weight loss talk" when I go to the doctor
117. To not dread stepping on the scale
118. To have a regular-sized towel fit around my body
119. To have great legs again
120. To be able to go sleeveless comfortably

I feel really good about this. I know that I can make it this time. I'm really serious about losing the weight now. I'm so excited to be beginning this journey!

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

I meant to do this earlier, but haven't yet found the time and motivation to. As I lose the pounds on a weekly basis, I am going to say goodbye to each reason I am losing the weight. So, here we go!

1. To sweat less
2. To have healthier nails
3. To have healthier hair
4. To have better skin
5. To fit in amusement park ride seats

Okay, well so far I haven't experienced any of these perks. But I am SO excited that I will one day! :).

I haven't done a daily weight loss topic in ages! Still, I'm pushing on and making strides to better health! I didn't eat well earlier this week so I'm cutting back now to catch up. I still will lose weight this week, I know it!

Yay!

I haven't written in forever, but I've been good! I had my first belly dancing class on Wednesday and LOVED it. I felt alive. I really have found another joy for me. I plan on making this a lifelong hobby. My body was crazy sore the next day, but I felt like an absolute goddess. I can't wait for the next class!

On an even better note, I weighed in yesterday. I had made the decision to start weighing in on Fridays because I always eat less well on Fridays and Saturdays, so I want to weigh in before all that badness starts. :). I also decided to start trying to lose 2.5 pounds a week (rather than two) because I have this faint hope that I can lose all of this weight in a year. How great would that be?! This week I did all of my workouts and ate really, really well. I didn't expect to have lost any weight because it had only been five days since I last weighed in, but I felt good.

So I stepped on the scale and it said 265. Yes! I yelped (and woke up Kalem in the process), and danced naked around the bathroom. I have also lost 1.25" off of my body. Yes! 1/60 of the way there (not that I'm thinking of it that way...I'm focused on small goals, so I'm looking toward 260)! I am so excited! Finally I feel like I'm getting somewhere!

Umm...WHAT?!?!

At this rate, I will lose the weight I want to in 10 years. No exaggeration. Ugh.

So, today was my scheduled weigh-in. I rolled around in bed, trying to my bladder, because I was nervous about what I would find out. But, I finally had to go too badly and made my way to the restroom. I weighed myself and I weigh...drum roll, please...269 pounds.

What?! I only lost one pound?! In one MONTH?! I am so frustrated and disappointed in myself. I felt like I worked really hard and it doesn't show! I did measure myself but have nothing to compare it to right now because I don't have access to my files.

I am NOT going to let this bring me down, though. I am going to learn from it and move on. Here are the lessons that I'm taking from this devastating month of weight loss:

1. If I have make-up workouts to do, I will do them earlier than the day before weigh-in (I worked out for two hours last light. Was there a chance for the effect to ''sink in''?).
2. I will weigh in every week. I think that if I can recognize that I am not losing weight on a weekly basis, I can intervene, rather than losing a whole month of weight loss.
3. I will taper off my calories rather than just do 1800 for two years. I don't want to plateau.
4. I will be more honest with myself about portion sizes.
5. I will work out EVERY day, regardless of how tired/cranky/moody/busy I am. Last week, I worked out for over 5 hours. I gave up almost every week night to catch up. Never again.
6. I will eat the allowed calorie amount and not go over. Ever.
7. This means I have to stop eating out. It's ruining my calorie plan adherence. No more fast food.

Okay, I know that 5 and 6 are really strict, but I think that may be what I need right now. I know that I can do this. I just have to work harder and smarter.

I know that I went through an awful funk and I think that played a large part in my lethargy. I need to remember to use exercise as a stress reliever and mood stabilizer.

Well, I'm off and much more focused now.

Not Ready

I am not ready for today's topic. I am going to try it tomorrow.

I'm getting really anxious about keeping within my calorie range for this month. Since I've gotten out of my funk, I have been eating much better, but I'm just not sure I can catch up in time. I can't fast a full day, so I'm thinking of doing half-fasts Tuesday and Wednesday. That should take care of it.

Satisfied

Today was a good day. At one point, I almost took a bag of chips to the couch with me, but instead, I poured out a serving size and took that plate instead. I felt really proud of myself for that.

Raji hung out here for most of the day. I shouldn't have used it as an excuse, but I felt somewhat weird working out while he was there. So, I'm still quite behind on the workouts. I'm feeling kind of anxious about catching up.

Today's weight loss topic is "Nurturing Power of Food":
Tonight, I had two pieces of Dove dark chocolate (yum). I only ate two and did not return to the fridge for more. I felt really proud of myself for not eating any more!