"And I realized...this wasn't a way to live. This was a way to die." (28 Days)


Showing posts with label Appearance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Appearance. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Getting Myself Back

When I first started my job, I dressed to kill. Three-inch heels, skirts, makeup. I was so cute.

I've been here a little over two years and now it's not so much the case. Even though I've only (only?!) gained about 20-25 pounds since then, I'm just not as cute. I still dress up, but I haven't worn makeup on a day that wasn't my anniversary for years. I don't wear heels. I only wear skirts if I bothered to lotion that morning and the skirt doesn't cut of my stomach circulation.

I'm still one of the most-dressed up here (we're a fairly casual place), but I rarely feel like putting in the effort. I think that this stems from a number of things:
  • No one else dresses up.
  • Heels hurt my feet.
  • It's often too flipping humid to wear makeup
  • I wake up too late to dress nicely

I could spin this, of course:

  • I'm more comfortable with myself.
  • Have you seen/worn ballet flats?! Why wear anything else?
  • I didn't wear makeup before I started this job, so why wear it now?
  • I work and go to school and have a weekly internship. I need to be comfortable.
  • So I look like a shlub now. You should see me in the winter. I'm super cute then because I can layer!

Of course, a lot of it comes down to one fact:

I don't care enough.

Every few months, I'll step it up and put on my favorite patent leather pumps (they're completely adorable) and a dress. I feel pretty when I do and tell myself it's time to stop letting myself go. Now that I've stopped letting myself go food- and exercise-wise, I am starting to wonder if I should do more in the way of my appearance. I wonder if I'd feel better about how I look right now. I know for sure that my skin is getting better, which is great, because my acne was terrible! I didn't have skin like this in high school!