Blarg

What. The. Heck.

I went over my sodium limit yesterday and today. Gah! I'm so frustrated with myself. My frustration lies less with the fact that I overate than with the fact that I don't even care right now. I know that I'll care on Friday after a horrid weigh-in, but I feel so unmotivated right now. I'm sad that I feel this way because of I haven't eaten much more of my fantabulous care package, too. I refuse to as long as I'm going off of the deep end.

SO. Today, I'm back on the wagon. I know it's too late to lose any weight this week, but that's okay. I refuse to let two days ruin another (it used to be so typical of me to just give up for the whole week because I'd made a mistake). I didn't bring my lunch (another huge mistake), so I've got to decide what to eat this afternoon as well. It's strange that I'm not even bothered about working out right now. It's the good eating that's killing me. I think it might also be because it's my lady time this week. I'd kill for a brownie sundae right now, even if it is 10 in the morning.

This morning I woke up an hour earlier than planned and rather than getting up and making a good breakfast and actually lotioning, I lay in bed thinking about my weight loss. What am I doing wrong? Why am I losing so slowly? If it's so slow now, it's going to take ages to get to 150! Oy. I know I said before that I can't go over ever, but I really think that's true now. 4 days of eating with wild abandon followed by three days of guilt and "good" eating will not make me healthy. I've got to be more serious about this.

I am having a hard time not having someone go through this with me, too. I have fantastic support from Mom and Kalem, but it's hard to not have anyone to complain about the struggles with. I mean, Mom's been there, but she's way over the hump now. Still, I learn so much from her stories of how she got to her goal weight. Hmm. I know that this is my struggle, my journey, but I'd love to have some more support. Like a Weight Watchers group that I don't have to do WW or pay for it. Ha! I track my intake of www.livestrong.com, so maybe I'll finally join one of the groups on there. That way, I can have support even when I'm at home in my jammies at 1 in the morning.

I've really got to get my mojo back! I am going to try to write more and hopefully that will make me more mindful of what I'm trying to do with this body.