Another Tool for the Kit

I've had a rather interesting eating pattern for the past few days. I've started off doing well with only eating when I was hungry at the beginning of the day. Then, I've ended up eating just because I'm so used to eating at certain times? Was I hungry? No. But I felt I had to eat because it was time.

So, what does this teach me? That I really need to continuously ask myself if I'm hungry and only eat when I am. I'm not frustrated with myself at all--I'm just interested in learning to use each instance of overeating as an opportunity for growth.

I've also felt somewhat emotional today. I started off my day quite well. I read another blogger's site that led me to really question using hypnosis as a healing tool during part of my journey with Intuitive Eating. I was initially really hesitant--it's nothing I've really thought about.

I am doing some deep reflection about some issues going on with my job; there's a chance of something happening that could cause really big changes for me. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up because there's a real chance it won't happen. As I was thinking about this, I ended up overeating. I was anxious, so I ate. I took a walk during my lunch break and that really helped. Then I had a two-hour meeting that had popcorn and chocolate and I ate even though I wasn't hungry. I wasn't hungry, but I was bored and ready to end my work day, and I ate when not hungry.

I did a lot of reading on the IE forum about using hypnosis. Jennifer Poole, the hypnotherapist who crafted the hypnosis tools that are recommended, was gracious enough to allay some of my fears and answer some of my questions. She also directed me to a wonderful article about hypnosis by the Mayo Clinic.

Still, I felt hesitant. Because I love lists, I explored the pros and cons of trying this method out. I've decided to give it a try. There were a number of reasons I was against it, but I worked through them:

• I don't want to pay this much for a CD! I looked in our study at all of the diet books and materials I own (I know I need to get rid of them, but I plan to take them to Half-Price Books to get credit for books I'll enjoy!). Also, Kalem spends tons on video games. I won't make us bankrupt by spending this money!
  
• I don't know if this will work for me. What's the harm in trying?! In my "previous life", if I had been told I'd lose 100 pounds by doing this, I'd have paid any amount of money. I'm trying to be a healthy, calm, happy Intuitive Eater now. If this helps, I'm willing to try!
  
• I'm afraid of the feelings that might be dredged up. Let the feelings come. I've stuffed them down with food too many times. It's time to release the angst within.
  
• Kalem fusses when I read in bed. Won't he fuss with this?! I can go to the bedroom early to do this and still be able to talk with my hubby before going to bed. Most of the time he falls asleep so quickly he won't notice anyway. He'll be fine. :).
  
• My parents are going to think I'm even more "hippy-dippy". They don't even know I've started IE yet! I'm an adult. Maybe my parents will want to try it one day!

So, I'm doing it! On her website, Ms. Poole suggests that one does the "Clearing Emotional Blocks" meditation for at least a month before beginning the "Intuitive Eating for Weight Release" CD. I have ordered the first CD and am eagerly awaiting its arrival. I've decided to wait to order the second CD to ensure that I give myself as much time as I need with this meditation (I know that I feel most excited about the second CD right now!).

On another note, I've been exercising daily and feel really great about it. I'm reminding myself that it's about how my body feels because of it and it really helps. I love how flexible and alert I feel now that I'm moving my body regularly. I'm going to start implementing weight lifting soon and am looking forward to strengthening my upper body as well! I'm still reading the IE book and making good progress. I also got the CD to listen to at a later date. I'm loving this journey!

Catching Up

It's been a while since I've written, I know. I've been consistently trying to adhere to the principles of IE. Since I began, I've noticed some real changes. I'm really excited about it. I'm still reading the book, incredibly slowly (mostly because I've been reading really good fiction that I just can't put down!). Mostly I read it before I go to bed. I don't carry it out of the house because I'm not comfortable talking about it yet.

Since beginning IE, I've been doing all right at not eating when I'm not hungry. There are a few areas I have a LOT of work to do. I'm doing okay at only starting to eat when I'm hungry. I just can't seem to stop when I no longer am. Boy, am I a member of the Clean Plate Club! It's going to be difficult learning not to be! I either stop eating when there's nothing on my plate or I'm so full I feel sick (or both).

I've been working out regularly and it's been nice. Now that it's sleeveless season, I feel very aware that I need to work on my arms! I have very little upper body strength as compared to my lower and would love to work on that. I think doing so would help strengthen my core which i also feel would help with my upper back pain. In addition, I feel the very strong urge to start running again. I used to a few years ago and loved it! When I got hurt and lazy again, I just couldn't get the gumption to start again. I'd love to have that rush that running gave me again--no other workout has really done that for me again. I never lost any weight from running, but I did tone up quite a bit. I actually planned to run yesterday, but when I got up it was SO hot/humid (and it was only 8). Instead, I went for a walk with the hubby and dogs. I'm glad I did, because when we got home, we found out it was an Air Quality Action day (I don't really know what this means, but when they say it on the news, it means "move as little as possible because it's so hot you'll pass out if you do more than breathe"). By the time we got back into the car, we were covered in sweat and the dogs were half-asleep. It was a nice way to work out. We've talked about running, but we're so lazy! The thoughts of getting up early to run are just too much. I loved running in the winter with the snow crunching under my shoes. Hmm...okay, I've really psyched myself out for it now! I'm going to try to start up soon!

I'm struggling emotionally with something that I read on the IE forum. A very brave member stated that she had gained weight since starting this journey. The book also says that this can happen as well. I am terrified of gaining weight. I am really focused on this journey, but the thought of getting any bigger scares the bejesus out of me. What if I gain a lot? What if I go over 300 pounds? I'm trying my best to be patient, but I know that this will be my biggest struggle--just trusting the process. From the feel of my clothing, I'm at about the same weight now. I'm doing my best to be patient and understanding of my body.

Overall, though, I'm feeling good. I'm so glad that I made this change and look forward to seeing the peace it will give me.

The Ten Principles

This is the fourth day that I've been eating intuitively. So far, it's been going well, though I haven't stopped to acknowledge my fullness every time. Papa got some bad health news and I completely regressed and proceeded to eat my feelings. Except that this time, I only ate half of my feelings! I was really wowed by one of the comments I read in the book that said that a client said not to feel bad about a binge, but use it as a learning opportunity. After talking to my mom, I knew I'd overeat. I knew I wasn't hungry. I think that the reason that I didn't eat as much as I normally would was because I was more aware of the fact that I wasn't hungry and that I went to lunch with a friend rather than eating alone. I'm okay with eating alone, but not when super-upset. I realize that I can work to feel my feelings.

I am still actively reading the book, but thought I'd share the 10 principles of the concept:

1. Reject the diet mentality
2. Honor your hunger
3. Make peace with food
4. Challenge the food police
5. Respect your fullness
6. Discover the satisfaction factor
7. Honor your feelings without using food
8. Respect your body
9. Exercise--feel the difference
10. Honor your health

I'm really so excited about all of this. As I haven't read the book in its entirety, I've been advised to do the bare basics for now. I'm eating what I want when I want and stopping when I'm full. It hasn't gone wonderfully yet, but I'm not feeling guilty about it. I'm learning to better listen to my body and hunger signals. I've been working out every day and instead of focusing on losing weight, I'm focusing on how good it makes my body feel. I've enjoyed it so far. I'm not a huge fan of exercise but am really trying to remind myself that I feel better after I do (which is true). I'm thinking that maybe if I find the right type of exercise, one that gets me excited and that I can enjoy, it won't feel like such a burden.

So, I'm sure that I won't be writing as frequently until I get through the book entirely. But I'm around!

And Sharon, you totally rock for leaving such a supportive message on my last entry. We'll both find our happy place soon!

IE's The Life For Me!

Sigh. Okay. I've been writing this entry in my head since Friday, but have only found the courage to do so now. A few days ago, I wrote an entry in which I asked whether I should be focusing on something other than weight loss. I questioned if I would lose my mind living like this the rest of my life.

The next morning I woke up and had an answer for myself. I don't want to be counting calories (or sodium or carbs) for the rest of my life. I want to be healthy, no doubt, but I want to not worry about this forever. I was done with dieting.

I had heard of Intuitive Eating before. I took the book out a few months ago and read some of it. I wasn't ready at the time. I remember reading the first few chapters and saying, "I'm going to do this after I lose all of the weight. I want to be thin before I start this lifestyle." Ha! I now know that that was really faulty thinking.

So, I've made the resolution to never diet again. It's liberating as well as incredibly terrifying. I've been on a diet for at least the last 10 years! I'm scared to not be trying to be thin. But I'm so ready for this.

Kalem will be doing this with me as well. We feel really ready for this change in our lives. Maybe we will lose weight, maybe we won't. But we're (mostly, I'm) tired of the constant battle with food and weight.

The reason that I was so hesitant to write this entry was because I was sad that there's a real chance I'll lose the support of bloggers I've really come to lean on and appreciate in the last month or so. I'll still support others, but I truly don't believe that dieting works. I don't want to criticize what others are doing and/or what's working for them. So, we'll see how that changes this blog.

A good change, though, is that Kalem will be blogging here, too!

At this point, I'm doing the bare basics: eating what I want when I'm hungry and stopping when I no longer am. I'm reading through "the book" all the way through and then will go back and work through each principle at a much slower pace. I'll continue to write as I do so. I've already got an entry brewing in my head!

I wish all of my readers complete success in their health endeavours. I'm really excited about this process.