"And I realized...this wasn't a way to live. This was a way to die." (28 Days)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Chavonne the Walker

Oy, I've had the crappiest week. I mean, I know that I can say it's been a bad week, but this week has been bad. I almost quit my job and the social work program this week. It would have been a good week to get out there and run and not let myself stew and get more upset.

But I didn't! On Tuesday night, I planned for an early run that didn't work out and when I got home from work/internship, Surbhi called, so I poured a glass of wine and sat down to talk to one of my dearest friends after about two months of not doing so. It was a much better choice because we really needed to catch up. Who needs to run?

Anyhoo, during our talk, we caught each other up on our running progress. Well, really our non-running progress. Neither of us have run in about three weeks (though she has hit much higher milestones during her training!) and seem to have no time to do so right now. Well, we have time to run, but not increase mileage. It's hard to devote hours on end to run. So, we don't know what that means for the marathon, but we'll decide sooner or later (or, that morning when we decide to go to brunch instead).

While we were on the phone, I brought up walking and how I though that maybe I would like to start walking my miles instead of running them. I'm not sure about that, but I have walked four miles in the last two days. It's been great! My calves don't hurt and my right knee has been much nicer to me when I have to take the stairs. Even funnier, my pace is like 2 minutes faster than it was when I ran. I wonder if I sauntered too much during the walking portions of the runs.

I can't decide if I want to just focus on getting healthy right now rather than walking a marathon. I think I want to work on exercising daily and eating right for now and then seeing where that goes.

I think I'm going to have to change the title of my blog! Or merge it with my other one. Who knows?!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Shimmy Shakes

Today I started thinking about taking up belly dancing. I did it for a summer when I was in Houston for an internship (I miss you, Steph!) and I LOVED it. I had the intention of getting into when I went back home to Lubbock, but I couldn't afford the classes. Now I can afford it and I'm starting to think it would be freaking great.

I am struggling with my running right now and I think that's why I'm thinking of "cheating" on it. Swimming is another idea that I'm flirting with--I know it's good for you and non-impact, which would be bliss for my crampy calves. I wonder if I would get bored with belly dancing. Would shimmying around ever get boring? I can't imagine it! I think it would be a blast. Plus, I feel sexy doing it. I look sexy doing it. Kalem thinks it's sexy, too. Hmm.

Anyhoo, so I will be looking into classes a little further. So far, the cheapest I've found are $15 classes. I don't know if I want to afford that much a month. I am still thinking on it.

For now, though, I keep remembering how great it made me feel, so in love with my curves. It might be really great for me!


So. When I first started running, I loved it. I lived for it (in addition to other things, of course). I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I would think was "it looks like a gorgeous day to run" or "it's not a good day to run outside". And, I would still run anyway. Lately, since I got hurt, really, I haven't had the "running mojo". If I get out there and run, I'm usually cranky about it. But, once the run is over, I'm glad I did it. I want that feeling again, where I couldn't wait to get out there and run. I loved that feeling! I miss it.

I am still running, but at larger intervals of time and not nearly as pleasant about it. I feel great after it's done. I just want to feel great about it before I leave. I have almost called this a failed attempt at a hobby at least 30 times in the last three weeks. But, I'm still forcing myself out there every once in a while. A few nights ago, Mom and I were on the phone and she said something to the effect of "well, you've been running a lot for a while now, so I'm sure you have gotten so much healthier". Ahem. I'm not sure when I will see my parents next, but after the phone call I told Kalem, "I really have to get in shape because my parents already believe I am doing so". Is that the motivation I should use?

Or it could be Surbhi. She is super intense about it and really dedicated. I told her I was thinking of backing out of the marathon and she said even if I walked the whole dang thing I was doing it with her. I feel bullied, but she's right. I committed to her and was so gung-ho that I made her promise to run it with me. That would suck for me to leave her by herself. So, I'll be there to run it with her, even if I am 5 miles behind her.

It could be myself. It SHOULD be myself. I have never followed through on any health thing ever. I need to keep myself focused on myself. Not myself as the individual parts--the more I think about how much my calves hurt, the less I am willing to get back out there again. I have to focus on myself as a person and the goals and dreams I had for myself.

This is a pointless blog, but it was a good pep talk for the run I have scheduled after work. Wish me luck! And dedication!