The Ten Principles

This is the fourth day that I've been eating intuitively. So far, it's been going well, though I haven't stopped to acknowledge my fullness every time. Papa got some bad health news and I completely regressed and proceeded to eat my feelings. Except that this time, I only ate half of my feelings! I was really wowed by one of the comments I read in the book that said that a client said not to feel bad about a binge, but use it as a learning opportunity. After talking to my mom, I knew I'd overeat. I knew I wasn't hungry. I think that the reason that I didn't eat as much as I normally would was because I was more aware of the fact that I wasn't hungry and that I went to lunch with a friend rather than eating alone. I'm okay with eating alone, but not when super-upset. I realize that I can work to feel my feelings.

I am still actively reading the book, but thought I'd share the 10 principles of the concept:

1. Reject the diet mentality
2. Honor your hunger
3. Make peace with food
4. Challenge the food police
5. Respect your fullness
6. Discover the satisfaction factor
7. Honor your feelings without using food
8. Respect your body
9. Exercise--feel the difference
10. Honor your health

I'm really so excited about all of this. As I haven't read the book in its entirety, I've been advised to do the bare basics for now. I'm eating what I want when I want and stopping when I'm full. It hasn't gone wonderfully yet, but I'm not feeling guilty about it. I'm learning to better listen to my body and hunger signals. I've been working out every day and instead of focusing on losing weight, I'm focusing on how good it makes my body feel. I've enjoyed it so far. I'm not a huge fan of exercise but am really trying to remind myself that I feel better after I do (which is true). I'm thinking that maybe if I find the right type of exercise, one that gets me excited and that I can enjoy, it won't feel like such a burden.

So, I'm sure that I won't be writing as frequently until I get through the book entirely. But I'm around!

And Sharon, you totally rock for leaving such a supportive message on my last entry. We'll both find our happy place soon!

IE's The Life For Me!

Sigh. Okay. I've been writing this entry in my head since Friday, but have only found the courage to do so now. A few days ago, I wrote an entry in which I asked whether I should be focusing on something other than weight loss. I questioned if I would lose my mind living like this the rest of my life.

The next morning I woke up and had an answer for myself. I don't want to be counting calories (or sodium or carbs) for the rest of my life. I want to be healthy, no doubt, but I want to not worry about this forever. I was done with dieting.

I had heard of Intuitive Eating before. I took the book out a few months ago and read some of it. I wasn't ready at the time. I remember reading the first few chapters and saying, "I'm going to do this after I lose all of the weight. I want to be thin before I start this lifestyle." Ha! I now know that that was really faulty thinking.

So, I've made the resolution to never diet again. It's liberating as well as incredibly terrifying. I've been on a diet for at least the last 10 years! I'm scared to not be trying to be thin. But I'm so ready for this.

Kalem will be doing this with me as well. We feel really ready for this change in our lives. Maybe we will lose weight, maybe we won't. But we're (mostly, I'm) tired of the constant battle with food and weight.

The reason that I was so hesitant to write this entry was because I was sad that there's a real chance I'll lose the support of bloggers I've really come to lean on and appreciate in the last month or so. I'll still support others, but I truly don't believe that dieting works. I don't want to criticize what others are doing and/or what's working for them. So, we'll see how that changes this blog.

A good change, though, is that Kalem will be blogging here, too!

At this point, I'm doing the bare basics: eating what I want when I'm hungry and stopping when I no longer am. I'm reading through "the book" all the way through and then will go back and work through each principle at a much slower pace. I'll continue to write as I do so. I've already got an entry brewing in my head!

I wish all of my readers complete success in their health endeavours. I'm really excited about this process.

Food is Not My Friend

I'm sad. My dad's having health problems and the DH and I are on the outs. I want someone to talk to, but who do I turn to when I feel like my best friend can't listen to me? I want to just crawl under my blankets with a dozen cookies.

I'm telling myself that I DON'T need to do that. The hubs and I will probably be fine by the end of the night--we just haven't had enough time today to hash things out. My dad's test results don't come back until Monday, so I don't need to eat like a crazy person worrying about something that might not even be a problem. He's going to be fine! I have great friends who will answer my phone call and listen to me gripe and get me back to feeling good. I have a fantastic weight loss coach (the bestest mommy in the world) who will talk me down from the ledge if I just call her up. I don't need to eat my feelings.

Anyway, as a way to get past it, I'm writing on another ezine article by Linda Spangle titled "Food as Comfort" (how fitting!). Food has served as comfort in a number of ways during my life. Food has consoled me during times of hurting and sadness. It has dulled my senses when I've felt that the emotions were too much to bear. It has been my date on Friday nights (even when I had a great boyfriend). It's been a prize for a good job. It's been my friend. One of my best friends.

Sometimes I feel afraid that once I really get past eating emotionally, I'll have to start feeling everything. I tell my clients to, instead of trying to stuff it down with food or sex or drugs/alcohol or anything else, to just feel it. Once it's felt, you can learn what to do about it. I'm learning how to do that myself.

Right now, I'm eating a homemade trail mix with dried cranberries, soy nuts, and almonds. I think it's a good step away from Oreos.

Back In the Game!

Well, after a binge and crappy weigh-in, I'm back to being "good". I hate thinking of it that way, because it's not like I committed some huge atrocity or anything. I mean, I ate Mexican food (plus more)! Nevertheless, I'm back to eating healthy foods that make me feel good emotionally and physically.

Yesterday and today I did a Leslie Sansone walking DVD rather than Turbo Jam because my left leg's been bothering me since I did the Turbo Jam Lower Body workout. I wasn't willing to give up a day of working out and walking has been gentler and kinder to my body. I hope that I can get back to it soon, but I'm not going to try to push it. In addition, I started the Beck Diet Solution workout yesterday and I already really like it. I'm excited to have a better grasp on what leads me to overeat and what I can do to get healthy.

Today I mentioned to a friend that I had gained weight and she was really supportive. This is definitely one of my girlfriends that I (used to) put away more food than I meant to every time we're together. She mentioned that I may mess up, but I won't "stay" messed up because I know how much I want to be thin. I've been thinking about that all day. I don't feel that I'm really doing all of this to be thin. But, it's definitely a big part of this. I mean, of course I want to be healthy. I don't want to end up like my father. I will not. Still, I have to be honest and say that I want to be thin. Screw it, I'll say it again!

I WANT TO BE THIN!

I want to wear cute clothes, see my toes, be fabulously hot. I want to be proud of my body. I wonder if that will be my main motivation when I get frustrated and that once I get there I'll realize how important my improving health is to me as well. Or will it be the opposite?

Regardless of what keeps me going, I'm going!

I am having some confusion, though, as to whether I'm doing the right thing with my plan. Should I eat at the sodium level I plan to end up at (1500 mg) or should I taper down? I am doing okay with 1500 mg but am worried about the fact that I will plateau again. What do I do then? I know that I can increase my exercise but I want to be able to do something food-wise, too. I mean, I have a lot of weight to lose. What is everyone else doing?

I also want to thank everyone for all of their support. This has helped me stay focused and I know I'll make my goal one day!