"And I realized...this wasn't a way to live. This was a way to die." (28 Days)


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Food is Not My Friend

I'm sad. My dad's having health problems and the DH and I are on the outs. I want someone to talk to, but who do I turn to when I feel like my best friend can't listen to me? I want to just crawl under my blankets with a dozen cookies.

I'm telling myself that I DON'T need to do that. The hubs and I will probably be fine by the end of the night--we just haven't had enough time today to hash things out. My dad's test results don't come back until Monday, so I don't need to eat like a crazy person worrying about something that might not even be a problem. He's going to be fine! I have great friends who will answer my phone call and listen to me gripe and get me back to feeling good. I have a fantastic weight loss coach (the bestest mommy in the world) who will talk me down from the ledge if I just call her up. I don't need to eat my feelings.

Anyway, as a way to get past it, I'm writing on another ezine article by Linda Spangle titled "Food as Comfort" (how fitting!). Food has served as comfort in a number of ways during my life. Food has consoled me during times of hurting and sadness. It has dulled my senses when I've felt that the emotions were too much to bear. It has been my date on Friday nights (even when I had a great boyfriend). It's been a prize for a good job. It's been my friend. One of my best friends.

Sometimes I feel afraid that once I really get past eating emotionally, I'll have to start feeling everything. I tell my clients to, instead of trying to stuff it down with food or sex or drugs/alcohol or anything else, to just feel it. Once it's felt, you can learn what to do about it. I'm learning how to do that myself.

Right now, I'm eating a homemade trail mix with dried cranberries, soy nuts, and almonds. I think it's a good step away from Oreos.

1 comment:

sharongracepjs said...

Bad news - you WILL have to feel the feelings. It will be awful and scary. I was a basket case. But behind it all, I knew I was doing the right thing and that it would get better and I would be glad.

You'll feel so much better when you're managing feelings instead of stuffing them down under food - you'll be ligther, mentally and emotionally as well as in body! And soon you'll realize how much easier it is to deal with feelings when you aren't adding the bad feelings that go along with eating and with being unhappy with yourself.

Sorry about the rough family stuff. I'm proud of you for remembering that food won't fix it and for opening your eyes to new comforts. Stick it out! You can do it! *hugs*