"And I realized...this wasn't a way to live. This was a way to die." (28 Days)


Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Last Straw

In the last few...err...months I haven't done jack squat. I wish that I had reasons, but they are all just excuses. I stopped running, walking, or doing much of anything. I just feel crappy about my health.

The last straw was three weeks ago. I was weighed at the doctor's office and weigh 270 pounds. I can remember when I hit 200 and thought my life was over. 250 and I was devastated. 260 and I knew it would be easier to gain 20 pounds and get gastric bypass than lose the weight I needed. 268 and I HAVE HAD IT. No more. I HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE.

I decided to wait until the new year because I didn't want to set myself up for failure. Now, I'm ready.

So, I have made a resolution to get healthy NOW. It's been far too long and I am sick of making excuses.

For the next 100 days, I'm going to be reading a book called "100 Days of Weight Loss". It will take me through exercises to help me work through my struggles with weight loss. I'm really determined and am sure that I will succeed.

I am currently 270 pounds. My goal is to weigh 150 pounds. This puts me in the "normal" category according to my BMI (well, it's a little bit below, but I thought it was a good, round number). It also gives me some wiggle room as I age--hopefully I never pass 175 in my life again! I will be weighing in every Sunday. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I should reach 150 by February 28, 2010. If I lose 1 pound a week, I should reach 150 by April 24, 2011. I don't really plan on it happening, but I would loved to lose the weight by March 10, 2010. That way, I would hit my goal weight when I'm 25 (ha!). But it's okay if I don't make it--I won't let it get me down. It feels like a really long time, but I am committed to it. Also, I'm using http://www.thedailyplate.com/ to monitor my intake. It's a really cool website and I think it will be helpful!

Well, one of the first exercises in the book are to write down a few reasons for losing the weight. I had to go all out (of course) and I have given a reason for every pound I want to lose. So, here are my 120 reasons for losing weight.

My Reasons for Losing Weight!
1. To sweat less
2. To have healthier nails
3. To have healthier hair
4. To have better skin
5. To fit in amusement park ride seats
6. To fit in bus seats more easily
7. To fit in desks more easily
8. To fit in airplane seats more easily
9. To be able to take leisurely walks without getting winded
10. To develop a healthy addiction
11. To set (and reach) new goals
12. To not have to make the same New Year’s resolution every year (and fail)
13. To have a more successful career
14. To be able to participate in sports
15. To explore new places
16. To smell better
17. To help others
18. To encourage others
19. To be able to participate in Race for the Cure and other events
20. To stop spending money on weight loss resources
21. To be able to indulge without feeling guilty
22. To have a better selection of clothes to choose from
23. To save money on food
24. To save money on clothes
25. To buy a new wardrobe
26. To learn to enjoy healthy, nutritious foods
27. To control my eating
28. To control my snacking
29. To control my emotional eating
30. To not embarrass myself when eating at social functions
31. To look better
32. To look younger
33. To feel sexier
34. To have better sex
35. To not have a double chin
36. To have thighs that don’t touch
37. To be able to wear a bikini
38. To have a flat stomach
39. To look great at my high school reunion
40. To look wonderful in my second wedding dress
41. To get smaller than my high school weight
42. To be able to fit into a size 12 (or smaller!)
43. To avoid health-related surgeries
44. To avoid weight-related surgeries
45. To find more positive outlets for emotions
46. To learn patience
47. To have a chance for "me time"
48. To actually get called "thin"
49. To not be controlled by my weight
50. To prove to myself I have self-control
51. To teach myself discipline
52. To have something that is done for myself by choice rather than requirement
53. To increase brainpower
54. To improve my performance
55. To be able to play with my nieces and nephews
56. To not end up like my father
57. To prevent depression
58. To feel more comfortable taking pictures
59. To be happy when I look in the mirror
60. To not feel guilty when I weigh myself
61. To improve my body image
62. To feel more comfortable in my skin
63. To feel better about myself
64. To be less stressed
65. To sleep more soundly
66. To be healthier
67. To improve my immune system
68. To have more energy
69. To have a waist
70. To be more flexible
71. To have more stamina
72. To have better endurance
73. To improve mobility
74. To be stronger
75. To have a healthy lifestyle
76. To prevent knee problems
77. To prevent back problems
78. To have better control over IBS
79. To not be a part of the obesity epidemic
80. To prevent sleep apnea
81. To prevent hypertension
82. To prevent high cholesterol
83. To prevent osteoarthritis
84. To prevent stroke
85. To prevent heart attacks
86. To prevent heart disease
87. To prevent cancers
88. To prevent diabetes
89. Because it’s TIME. NO MORE EXCUSES.
90. To actually follow through with something
91. To show my loved ones how grateful I am for their support
92. To make my loved ones proud
93. To be proud of myself for making such a large accomplishment
94. To improve my quality of life
95. To live longer
96. To have healthier joints
97. To be able to enjoy exercise
98. To be able to take dance classes
99. To not be embarrassed by my size
100. To not have rolls
101. To not always feel like I need to lose weight
102. To not have people cringe when I sit next to them on the bus
103. To be able to cross my legs
104. To prevent anxiety
105. To be able to take the stairs without getting winded
106. For all of the reasons I have yet to realize, but am sure to soon come to appreciate
107. To get called "thin" at least once in my life
108. To not get snide remarks about my weight from others
109. To be able to see my toes
110. To not get "fat girl" looks when I'm eating junk food
111. To put less stress on the environment
112. To get hit on again
113. To be able to wear backless dresses (if I decide to!)
114. To look good in photos
115. To not get asked if I'm pregnant when I'm not
116. To not get the "weight loss talk" when I go to the doctor
117. To not dread stepping on the scale
118. To stop dieting FOR GOOD
119. To have great legs again
120. To be able to go sleeveless comfortably

I'm trying something new--there is a method called "Eucalorics", where one eats at the weight they want to be. So, I will be in effect skipping the weight loss process and going straight to maintenance! I will be eating as a 150-pound woman eats (1,800 calories/day). I feel really good about this. I know that I can make it this time.

The first day's topic is "I Used to Be That Way":

  • I fear that I will fall off of the wagon and never lose the weight I want to.
  • When on diets before, I let myself get discouraged when I overate or didn't exercise one day.

I used to be that way, but now I'm different.

  • I used to take the elevator at work, but now I take the stairs.
  • I used to let my emotions influence my diet, but now I deal with my feelings in healthy, active ways.
  • I used to dread having to exercise every day, but now I look forward to my workout time as a time to improve my life.
  • I used to spend money on fast food, but now I don't eat fast food anymore.
  • I used to eat every free food put in front of me, but now I think about what goes into my mouth, regardless of the price.
  • I used to eat whatever I like, but now I watch my intake.
  • I used to get easily discouraged, but now I keep pressing on.
  • I used to eat like an obese person, but now I eat like a fit, healthy woman.

I went for a run today at Frick Park. It was so hard! I really thought my chest would explode at one point. I have never run hills before and they kicked my butt. I feel proud of myself for doing it, though. I think that for now, I'm going to train for the Race for the Cure in May. I cannot do a marathon--I need to be honest about it. I may be able to do a half-marathon, but not right now--the Pittsburgh Marathon may be killer due to the hills. So, I'm going to try to do a 5K first. That seems so much more reasonable! I think that it will be a real challenge, too--learning to continuously run on hills. I'm excited!

I'm really serious about losing the weight now. I'm so excited to be beginning this journey!

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