Back (Though Here All Along)

So, since I last wrote, a lot has happened. I have stayed committed to my new lifestyle (yay!) and have lost eight pounds and 3.25 inches! I feel great. Since trying to lose weight in the last few years, this is the most consistent I've been. The most significant thing to happen in these few weeks is that I no longer qualify for weight loss surgery! Yay yay yay! I've seriously been considering going through the process of having the surgery, but now the option has been taken away. I've worked really hard to get to this point, so I was glad, but at the same time I'm really scared! I don't have the backup plan available to me anymore. I am no longer morbidly obese...I'm now only obese! Yay! I know that I've lost eight pounds and still hope to lose another 112, but I feel like a model! I feel like putting a dress and heels on and strutting my stuff on a catwalk! :). This feels great.

To celebrate this milestone, I ate a candy bar (rather than the pack of Oreos that looked SO good!) and took a walk in the park. It was lovely! And it feels really good to be rewarding myself with much healthier choices than I would before.

From this point forward, I plan to do the 100 days of weight loss writing. I think it will help keep me on top of my efforts. I really have found that writing helps me get through the tough times. On Thursday, I had an intense craving for dessert and I "wrote through it". I wrote about why I didn't really want it and why I was feeling that I did. And it worked! I also wrote all of my reasons for losing weight in a little tiny book and I carry that around with me for when I feel desperate to eat or want some extra motivation. It's been really helping so far.

Sometimes I feel like I talk about my weight loss as if I'm in recovery from addiction. Sometimes I feel like I am. I sometimes feel a real compulsion to eat, even when I can't eat anything more. But I think the biggest thing is learning how to eat in a healthy way and exercise, even when I don't want to. And I am so ready for this.

During my internship last week, I heard the quote "I realized this wasn't a way to live. This was a way to die." That's exactly how I feel. Since I've started writing again on this blog, I've seen how much time I've wasted not being healthy. It makes me really sad. But it motivates me. I can do this. I have to. I don't have any other choice. If I want to be here in my sixties (heck, thirties!), I have to change RIGHT NOW.

I feel really great about how hard I've been working. I can't wait to see what else is ahead of me.